Pixelated Word Vomit

Every kiss that I ghost across your skin, is my reassurance that I'll help you, and that I am here. Because I can't find the words.

Had to get that down somewhere. It just, arranged itself in my head. I hate feeling fucking useless. Hello thinky Tash. Where's my notepad gone.. scribbly face.

In other news, just about half an hour ago I got my debit card out and made sure a copy of the deluxe edition of Brand New Eyes will be coming my way in September. £37.74, including postage and VAT. Money well spent, I am too excited.

Charlotte Milne's tumblr makes me happy. So, happy.

Today was nice, I bought clothes, had lunch with Debbie and Chloe of the Honeywood clan, caught up. We had a discussion..

I need to tell the rest of my family I'm gay.

So, I'm Eighteen!

My day, in a nutshell:

SNEAKY, OOH. STARBUCKS, OOH! She'll stab me for putting this up.

Mmm. Not. Dog and Parrot, waiting for the others!

KRASH KRASH YAYYY.

Erm. So yeah. I had a really nice day and an awesome night out, everyone was mortal. The music was extra good! I am proud of you all for going as crazy to Misery Business as you did. (Especially Charli! :D) Well.. except Min and Eve! Thank you to those who bought me drinks! HOTN's card made my day :P So did Wor Suze's! Caitlin and Jess's presents clearly owned everything else (well.. the drumkit won, but only just!) I don't really have a lot to say, as I don't remember a lot of it, but thanks to everyone who came out with me that day, you made my eighteenth amazing! I had such a laugh.

xo.

PS. ETF IN DECEMBER. FUCK YEAH!

49 Minutes

Until I'm eighteen. Dude, I want my drumkit!

I haven't been in the house very long. Just got back from my birthday meal, which was lovely! Legend family.
That's all for now. :D

xo!

Holding Hands While the Walls Come Tumbling Down;

When they do I'll be right behind you.
I don't feel like it's summer yet. I really should, seeing as my birthday is like, the day after tomorrow and it's usually officially summer in my head then. Being off school and such. I got drunk and ate pizza and laughed in a tent on top of a hill last night. I don't understand. Perhaps if the weather was a bit more sunny! Goddamnit.

Oh god, as I type, there is a moth fluttering around my screen. I'm on webcam to Jess, she's probably laughing her head off at my facial expression of utter terror. I HATE moths. There was one in my bedroom one night in the cottage in France, and it kept burning itself on the lamp I was using to read (Harry Potter, of course!) before I went to sleep. I swear to this day there were bits of moth falling onto my bedside table. Anyway, I couldn't concentrate on my book, nor sleep, until I was sure the thing was dead. Bearing in mind, Ashleigh, my cousin, who then would have been ten years old, was sleeping peacefully in a bed just across the room. My Uncle Dave rescued me and killed it. I had just turned fifteen. *Headdesk*

Tomorrow night I'm going out with a meal with family for my birthday. My rents, all the grandparents, my auntie and uncle, and my cousin Paul. (Ashleigh would be coming but she's thirteen and invited some friends party. To be fair I can sympathize; aged thirteen would you want to go and have a meal with fam and watch them get slowly more drunk whilst eating italians and cracking jokes you don't quite understand, or go see friends and watch movies?) I'm looking forward to it, actually, it'll be nice to be all together for once!

I don't feel particularly good. Headache, shattered, and feeling a bit shaky. Maybe I should just go to bed.

Felt like updating, just a little bit.

Night, internetz. xo.

I really want to see this!

I've loved Ellen Page ever since Juno. Mmm, want one.

Guess You Better Go Get'cha Armour.

I'm finding this really odd; I can't switch this song off. I guess I try to be open minded about most things in my life, including music. Anything I can sing along to, gets my foot tapping.. but, I'm just not an R&B person! I never have been!


The video itself is unbearably shit like most these days (take a leaf out of Duran Duran's book, for goodness sake). I'm just shocked at how much I like the song! The lyrics are amazing.

Today I have done sod all. I got up ridiculously late, ate my Sunday lunch, and sat on here. Thoroughly looking forward to not having to get up for sixth in the morning. Summer is here! And I'm eighteen this coming Saturday.

I wish the 25th of August would hurry up, though. :)

I'm a soppy twat, yes.

This might just be one of the most inspirational, honest, and beautiful things I've ever read. It's not full of cliches. It's blunt, that's so nice to see. Something like this that's like, straight to the point, not all flowers and butterflies and "thou art perfection, my love". Some people are really skeptical about things like this; they say that it makes you weak, or you're setting yourself up to be hurt. Be careful, etc. I don't believe either of those things... isn't it all about taking risks? You're giving someone else the power to break you, completely. But you trust them not to, it's the whole point.

Okay, so I can occasionally be sickeningly romantic. Someone obviously neglected to tell me I should've become ashamed of it.

Don't ask me if I can relate to this. You know the answer.

06:51. Really. Ya rly.

Yes, I am up at this ungodly hour on a saturday. I do have work at nine, but considering I didn't get home til one am or something and was slightly intoxicated, you'd think I'd have stayed in bed longer. However, my head's doing that weird hurty thing when everything moves and my arms ache (how plz, I didn't do anything remotely energetic). I'm also starving. So I got up.

Yep, that's me right now. Ouch.
It amuses me that there is one, singular, other person online on facebook at the moment, and I am the only person alive on my msn contacts list. Last night was a bit mad, totally spontaeneous outing. We did plan to just go to the pub.. then we ended up getting the bus to town, to Eclipse. Carl bought me more drinks than he should've (including a tequila shot!) and we bumped into some nice people, and it turned into a drunken night out. I got told by Amy that I actually AM Shane from The L Word (I am not a slag!), but Katy said I look nothing like her, and Lauren (from myspace wew) said I do sort of resemble her but I'm better looking. ;D

There are photos on my phone, but they are blurry, unflattering and have got pretty swirly lights all over them. I do feel a bit worse for wear, but hopefully a shower, decent brekkie and 35p energy drink will sort that. Oh, and I have something nice to take to work for lunch today, pasta. Mmm. Carby carbs, it's all good. Oh god, I wonder who my shift is with today. (For those of you who don't know, I had a swine flu scare last week because Maureen whom I usually work with, has got it, and is in hospital etc. So there was panic incase I had caught it during the seven hours I work with her a week. Obviously I haven't, because I'm here, typing away).

If you haven't guessed by now I pretty much just got up and fancied doing a blog about nothing in particular. I'm eighteen in a week. It's a bit mad. I'm looking forward to my day off work, celebrations and drumkit, hee.

For some strange reason, it smells like the cottage in France. That's extremely odd, I'm half expecting to go in the kitchen and find my auntie making coffee and toast with Paul going off it cause we ran out of Nesquik. Awh, I can't find a picture of the place!

Oh my life, Amy and Katy have just got in.

I'm going to enjoy my cuppa, xo!

Lessonless Day: Mrs Beeton, Drums, Sixth Form Meals & Old Photos

I was incredibly bored in the study room after sports day yesterday, so for a little while I hijacked Amie's work. (Click the picture to read it properly). She seemed to appreciate this, and printed off a copy for herself, on which I scrawled the URL for this very blog at her request. I seem to be gaining readers by the day. All I do is talk crap.. still, not complaining!

Today, thanks to the legend that is Poolatron (digital Pooley, Poolatron is the champion) I am off! I have no lessons and she recognised that, because of this, it is pointless me attending today. I am going to have a shower and eat something very soon, before I go and choose my 18th birthday present with my parents. Those of you who know me well will already be aware that I am overcome with excitement about this. However, all going well... on Saturday, the 25th of July 2009, the following sexy piece of equipment shall be ALL MINE:

MMM, HELLO GORGEOUS

Or, at least something very similar to that. I am aware that Windows does stock such sexy pieces of equipment. Already set up, ready to have all hell set loose on them be tested. I'm too excited. Far, far too excited.

ALSO. I know everyone is wondering what the hell the crack is with my birthday, and what we're doing. I shall make a facebook group to keep you all informed. It's easiest that way.

Later, it's the sixth form meal night out thing, at Mamma Mia's! I am meeting Tats at wallsend metro for 6.15. Stewie is paying for all of our food (bless him!) which is lucky as at this exact moment in time I have £1.54 to my name "Maaam, lend us a fiver..I'll pay you back on Saturday.." I have no idea what to wear. Suggestions/informing me on what you are planning to wear would be helpful.

My mam was going through the drawer we keep all the paperwork and crap in yesterday, and found some old photographs for my first school days! I thought I'd show you guys. (Sorry Damon, if you happen to see this, by the way!)

Teaching me how to rollerblade! This is in his backyard, I think we're about six or seven here. I clearly remember those rollerblades, they were black and bright blue, with sonic the hedgehog on them if I'm not mistaken. That helmet is way too big for me! Ah, good times.

I also found this one, taken at Powerburn in yr 4! Don't even bother asking about my facial expression. That's Mrs Jones and Mrs Rea in the background, they were amazing people. I still see Mrs Jones occasionally! There's Damon looking tiny beside me in his lilac cap, and on the other side is Steven Sinclair (I was very close with him then). The dark haired boy behind me is Karl Greenwood, the blonde boy is Michael I'veforgottenhissurname, and beside him is Leanne Amis. Oh, this was a brilliant school trip, we were only away for five days and I didn't want to come home! We had campfires and an adventure playground and the most amazingly high tree swing I'd ever seen. The hot chocolate before bed was brilliant, too ;D

I was in the red group (we all had coloured caps with the Richardson Dees logo and "Powerburn 2000" on the front) with Steven, Michael, and.. I can't remember for the life of me who else. I think we were with Louise, too. Anyway, we got to travel to places in this guy's car (he wasn't a teacher, he worked at the place we were staying). He used to fly down narrow country lanes with the windows wide open, blasting Supergrass! An eight year old Tash enjoyed these car rides immensely, because Supergrass were (are) amazing.

Ooh, I enjoyed that pointless ramble. I'm off to get clean and eat! Summer is coming.. :)

Torchwood: Children of Earth - Day Five (SPOILERS)

This didn't happen. This is not canon. DENIAL DENIAL DENIAL. In my head, Torchwood got cancelled at the end of series two. Gwen, Jack and Ianto are still happily alive, protecting the earth, and mourning Owen and Toshiko. We just don't get to watch them.

BAD DREAM, BAD DREAM

You cut me deep, Russell. You cut me real deep. I refuse to get this attached to a TV show, or a character, again. You have destroyed everything Jack ever stood for, and torn him apart as a person, a character. He's not my Jack and I hate you. I hate him for what you've turned him into.

If you're planning on a series 4, I'm not watching. And there are millions of others that will do the same. Just because you're leaving to go to fucking Hollywood (what the fuck, by the way) doesn't mean you had to destroy everything, blow up the Hub, kill people off. Make it impossible for Torchwood Three to continue operating as before. You are idiotic for killing off Ianto Jones, simply insane.

Thanks for wrecking my favourite TV show, you inconsiderate, ungrateful, childish man.

Torchwood: Children of Earth - Day Four (SPOILERS)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING

THIS EPISODE DOESN'T EVEN DESERVE A BLOG

I AM HYSTERICAL

SO IS MY MOTHER

YOU COMPLETE BASTARDS

AFTER OWEN AND TOSH

THEN IANTO

HOW MANY VIEWERS ARE YOU GOING TO LOSE

HOW CAN YOU DO THIS TO JACK AND GWEN?!

...

I HATE YOU

However, the fact Jack was blackmailed into handing over those kids made me feel better.

Torchwood: Children of Earth - Day Three (SPOILERS)

I'll just go right ahead and speak everyone's minds: WHAT THE HELL JACK?! WHY DID YOU HAND OVER THOSE KIDS IN 1965?! I'm assuming, here, that this is of course after Jack has travelled with the Doctor and Rose, when he's waiting for him to turn up in Cardiff, working for Torchwood Three in the meantime. I'm baffled as to why he did it; my first reaction was "Oh god, poor Jack, he must have been ordered to do it!" But, after pondering this, I came to the conclusion that Jack has been the head of Torchwood Three for some time, because he can obviously live forever. His teammates are either going to be killed in action or die of old age at some point. He has to keep recruiting a new team. So, was it his decision to hand over the twelve children, to make the 456 go away and leave the earth alone? This seems so unlike PostDoctor!Jack. Wouldn't he have looked for an alternative solution?! I'm disappointed in him and I don't want to be. I adore Jack! Did he have a choice?

Also, WHY are the Americans having a fit at Britain. It's not our fault that the 456 decided to land here. Granted, it's because of their visit in 1965 (they've obviously just came back for more children expecting to be given them) but we didn't ask them to visit then, either! The PM is a bastard, though. Why did the British government have to cover 1965 up?! Trying to kill Torchwood Three and not letting UNIT help.. they're so stupid.

Jack & Ianto: We have sex everywhere ever, whenever

YAY for the return of Jack/Ianto filthy togetherness chatty snark. I loved Jack sending Rhys to the shops for discs - "I've missed that coat", "The beans aren't ready yet" - WIN! And bless Ianto asking Jack if getting blown up hurt! I'm glad they had their chat, though. Making the most of their time together, awww! I did NOT approve of Clem shouting queer at Ianto though!

I am disappointed at how cliched this bloody alien is. Looks like it's got several limbs, scaly skin and it spits yellow goo everywhere. Not very original is it?! Come on, you've done better than that before! Space whale, for example, that was pretty awesome. If extremely sad.

I'm generally just curious as to where they take this now; there's no way in hell anyone is going to stand for giving away 10% of the earth's children. But the ending is bound to be epic and explosive and blah blah. Bring ittttt!

Torchwood: Children of Earth - Day Two (SPOILERS)

HOLY SHIT. The hub has been blasted into smithereens. I know everyone is like OMGWTFJACKISINPIECES!!! But.. hello. This also means that Myfanwy is probably dead, god knows what has happened to Janet.. and was the morgue affected? Frozen!Gray, for one thing, along with Tosh's body (I think..?) and all other deceased Torchwood agents, and whatever other bloody things are kept down there. I'm pretty gutted to be honest, I loved Myfanwy and Janet.

Gwen Cooper: sexy whilst being blasted into the air

Anyway. Jack. FUCKING, JACK. I am sick of this. He has been through enough, the poor sod. He was tortured and repeatedly killed and forced to watch the torture and killing of Owen, Gwen, Ianto and Tosh by the lovely Mr Saxon for a whole year on the Valiant, buried alive for 200 years by his brother Gray, thrown off an extremely high building, shot god knows how many times, abandoned by the Doctor and Rose on the gamestation, and countless other fucking things. Then they decide to plant a bomb in his stomach and blast him into bits, only for him to wake up screaming, only partially healed and so covered in serious burns. Then they fucking fill his cell with concrete; and to break the block open Ianto chucked it off a cliff! I mean, REALLY! I love you Jack, even if the writers obviously don't and keep doing this to you! Seeing him all burnt and screaming actually really hurt. I shouldn't be this attached to him, but I am. Look at his little face! Gwen and Ianto were doing their nuts; awwh. I love the team.

Also, OMGIHASACRANE!Ianto was ABSOLUTELY EPIC. I never thought we'd see him in a hard hat and builder's boots with his suit all scruffy, not giving a shit. What genius.

Gwen and Rhys had their OMGI'MPREGGERS chat. It was sweet, riding in a potato truck, bless them. I can tell Gwen is still a bit "ar, shit" about it, whilst Rhys is estatic. He's quite happy with home made lasagne, rugby on the telly, and 2.4 kids, isn't he? I adore his character; he keeps Gwen grounded, he's lovely. I particularly liked the scene in the cafe with Lois. I don't know why, but it reminded me just how sweet he can be, and how he's a bit of a loveable oaf occasionally. Brilliant casting, I like Kai Owen.

Just wants some food, poor bastard

It occured to me whilst Gwen and Rhys were going try and get Jack out of his cell how far she's actually come. What a contrast to deerinheadlights!Gwen. She's shooting people, beating the crap out of everyone, lying through her teeth, fooling everyone who stands in her way, and smirking sexily as she does so. I love it. I was concerned she'd lose a bit of her vulnerability.. but this is Gwen! She's all with the humanity. "Go home with your boyfriend, eat lasagne," Jack said, way back in series one. And she has done, she's got the balance just about right, I reckon. I love that. It will get more difficult with a baby, but I think I've changed my mind.. Gwen's fucking brilliant, she's more than capable of coping now. She's no longer the OMFGWHATAMIDOINGLET'SSLEEPWITHOWEN!Gwen we once knew.

I am loving this so far, it's so fantastically written, amazing storyline. I was a bit dubious with the five episode format and I will be sad when it ends so soon, but for now I am so excited. Can't wait for Day Three later!

New best friend. Baby and a bomb in your stomach..?

If you aren't into reading between the lines (or do they overlap?! Ooh, see what I did there.. be quiet Tash) this blog is squee at the the latest Paramore track, and the general buzz surrounding them at the moment (to say I was stoked for BNE would be an understatement) and.. reaction to last night's episode of Torchwood. The inner geek is back. ;D

So, after stalking Paramore around America via youtube, (and completely breaking down with excitement and sheer emotion at them performing Stand and Deliver by Adam and the Ants with No Doubt and The Sounds) I was of course aware of a couple new tracks from the upcoming album. I must say, I liked Ignorance from the get go, but now we've actually heard the full studio recording, it's a bloody tune and a half. I love this new direction they are taking - it's slightly different, but still oh, so Paramore - and I honestly thought that Zac could not top his RIOT! genius. But he seriously has, oh, how I idolize him. How I idolize them all! Lyrically I don't think they've ever been better. I think everyone dreads the whole "more mature, darker" album from their favourite band; I'd be lying if I said I hadn't been a bit worried. However, so far, it's sounding brilliant and I'm pretty much just super excited. I had to get that off my chest.

I am a bit concerned over this new influx of fans though. Don't get me wrong; the more people enjoying Paramore the better. I just want them appreciated properly! I know it's not on same scale, but this is their first big release since the whole Twilight thing. I hope the new fans who discovered them through the soundtrack take note of their previous achievements; the Green Day effect still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth.

Right. SPOILER ALERT. IF YOU HAVE NOT YET SEEN SEASON THREE TORCHWOOD: CHILDREN OF EARTH, EPISODE ONE, DO NOT READ ON.

Jack can't die. Jack can't die. I know this. I keep repeating this in my head. But it's like End of Days all over again! Is he going to wake up?! Of course, all logical reason says he must, how on earth can the show go on without him.. but he's got a bomb. In his fucking stomach. There'll be nothing left of him. We don't know how his immortality deals with that; what if he got decapitated?! I know he's not like dead!Owen (RIP you wonderful man) who would have had to carry his head around.. blah, I digress. I love Captain Jack Harkness, and I am worried. If that was him all burnt and screaming at the end of the episode two trailer... WHICH BASTARD WRITER DECIDED TO PUT HIM THROUGH THAT?! And they fucking wrecked the Hub, AGAIN!

GWEN IS PREGNANT OH MY GOD. I kind of spoiled myself a few hours before the show aired by accident (fucking LJ comm) but still. She's clearly crapping one about telling Rhys, and Jack and Ianto are stoked for her. I don't know how I feel about this. It feels a bit.. predictable. Gwen as a mammy when she protects the earth and kills nasty aliens for a job? Hmm. I suppose it depends on how they handle it. But I shall remain skeptical for now.

Jack has a daughter. Before the OMGWTFKRAZYKOOKIES?! come on, it makes perfect sense. Jack is a manslag. For him not to impregnate anyone along the way (To quote John Barrowman in an interview with Jonathan Ross: "anything with a hole") would have been a flipping miracle. I'd been wondering about daddy!Jack for a while.

I'm still curious though.. I wonder who Alice's mother is, how she fits into the timeline. Logical explanation would be obvious, he met her whilst working at Torchwood Three (he has been there for centuries, waiting for the Doctor). It's sad, I think Jack would make a brilliant father, a brilliant grandfather. I wish Alice'd let him be around more.

Missing Owen and Tosh, as always. I thought Gwen saying hello to their picture as she arrived for work was sweet; damn right you better not forget them, writers! I miss your geek!chic, Toshiko.

Ianto seemed much more melancholy compared to last season. Distinct lack of witty one-liners, sarcasm and his general dry humour! And this whole arguing about being a couple thing with Jack is extremely odd. I'm a bit worried for our Ianto. He's a sensitive soul. His coming out scene with Rhiannon and his brother in law was cute, but very uncomfortable. Bless him.

One last thing: GWEN, MMM. Especially this promo shot:

Season Three shows that yet again Gwen + Guns = Epic

I think I'll update on me and what's going on in due course. In the meantime.. Ignorance is not your new best friend, Cardiff. Or is it?

I'm not dead!

Just floating.

I felt the urge to remind the interwebs that I am not neglecting this blog for much longer. I shall post later.

Jess Walker for lyf yo.